Tag Archives: dating

VALENTINES DAY

img_0647

Today marked my aunt and uncle’s 30th Valentine’s Day together. (Way to go guys, I can’t even commit to a sandwich for the duration of lunch!) Today also marked yet another Valentine’s Day which has fallen during a period where I’m single. However, that does not in any way mean that I’ve spent today moping, nor have I taken to social media in a bid to declare my recurring singleton status as I have witnessed so many people do today.

I started my day with a small time-related freakout, wondering at which point in my year I sneezed and completely missed January, before making the calculated decision to give today to myself. Why on earth should anyone out there spend a day intended for the celebration of love, feeling terrible about themselves? It just doesn’t make sense, bubs. Listen to your embarrassing Aunt Alice.

So I stayed in my pyjamas, gathered up the dog for a marathon cuddle and put on a box set I’ve been meaning to finish for three billion months. I proceeded to demolish a pack of Sour Patch Kids and call my good friends at Domino’s. Now, to many that may sound like that a bummer of a day, but to me it was the epitome of self-care. A shower at a temperature deemed unsafe for human habitation and a dance around the living room in my underwear to the cheesiest, most in your face, love related pop-songs. Because let’s face it, what’s a better addition to any day than screaming Whitney Houston at a pitch that only dogs are physically capable of hearing?

We’ve got to stop putting the kind of pressure this holiday brings upon ourselves girlies, it’s a celebration of love and how on earth are we able to commit to loving another human being if we can’t show ourselves a little first. So, let your best friends be your valentine’s, eat your favourite food and worry about the calorie counting another day, watch your favourite shows and sing your best cheesy anthems.

And just in case you need a little push in the right direction, here are a few of my personal unbelievably cheesy faves, which my family have begged me to stop singing three times tonight:

  • Like A Prayer – Madonna
  • Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor
  • Breakfast At Tiffany’s – Deep Blue Something
  • Take My Breath Away – Berlin
  • Hooked On A Feeling – Blue Swede
  • I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
  • Love Is All Around – Wet Wet Wet
  • Everything I Do, I Do It For You – Bryan Adams
  • Eternal Flame – The Bangles
Advertisements

11 THINGS I WISH I KNEW BEFORE MY TWENTIES

img_2770

Here I sit, fetal, Winnie the Pooh pyjama clad, Pot Noodle in hand and water bottle tucked beneath my jumper. It’s a hormone extravaganza in here today, so what better to do than impart what little wisdom nuggets I have collected thus far…

 

1. Baking is good for the soul. – Never underestimate the power of baking. Those calories don’t count, you’re their ruler and creator, they can’t stage a coup.

 

2. Tea. Lots of tea. – I spent the first two decades of my time on the planet, blatantly defying the genetically inbuilt British tendency to drink tea and those are two decades of my tea-less life I will never get back. Sit back and let the beigey, warm goodness wash over life’s troubles.

 

3. You can’t please everyone, stop trying. – Are you a Nutella jar who’s recently acquired the ability to read? If not, chances are, you won’t be pleasing everyone anytime soon. Live your life, let them live theirs.. And eat Nutella. In vast quantities.

 

4. Non-padded bras are key to boob comfort. – There’s a fifteen-year-old version of myself, quietly rocking in a corner somewhere as I type this, but just trust me. It’s true. No, nobody can see your nipples. No, you don’t look strange. You are, however, embraced in a kind of boob comfort that money can indeed buy. It’s a boob hug waiting to happen, if you let it.

 

5. Comfy pants. – Following on from all the boob talk, let’s take a second to endorse the comfortable underwear. No matter how many times your teenage brain tells you that a Tammy Girl thong with monkeys printed upon it is a good idea, step away. Think about your options, come to terms with the fact that Bridget Jones really did have a clue and tell me how much better your day is when your butt has a hug.

 

6. Water. – You’re like a plant. – For some of us, staying hydrated is a chore. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and the dawning realisation that I spent the first two decades of my life severely dehydrated and didn’t need to suffer half the dull throbbing my brain was rewarding me with, has left me clutching at water bottles for life.

 

7. Red lipstick. – You want to look like an alluring 1940s siren? Red lipstick. You want to up the makeup ante, but cannot for the life of you, force your fingers to coordinate long enough to achieve eye makeup? Red lipstick. You wan-… Oh, you get the picture.

 

8. He’s not worth it. – Now, lets face it, by this point in our list-making you’re a red lipstick wearing, comfortable-boobed, tea-drinking, watered plant. So, it really should be a given that whoever he (or, she) is, they’re just not worth it. But, it often takes even the best of us far longer than they deserved for us to see this. If Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie can get over Brad Pitt, you can get over that fuckboy driving you to Maccy Dee’s in his 2007 Corsa.

 

9. Travel mugs. – Correct me if I’m wrong, but the only thing better than consuming vast quantities of caffeine, is consuming said vast quantities of caffeine whilst on the move. Not only do you have the added boosts of energy throughout the day, but you also combine that with the added suspense of, will I make it to the loo before the primary school classic ‘Stop The Bus I Need A Wee Wee’ becomes a tragic adult reality.

 

10. Life starts when you stop caring about what you look like. – Who knew I’d grow to regret the teenage years in which I would recreate the crying scene in Alice In Wonderland, in the Topshop fitting rooms? Who would’ve guessed, that I’d stop restricting what I felt I could wear because of how I felt about my lumps and bumps? Not me, anyway. However, if there’s one piece of advice I could journey back in time and give the blonde bombshell, that is my 16-year-old self – Did I say bombshell? I mean insecure wreck. – it would be this, if anybody who’s opinion you value highly has anything negative to say about your appearance, ditch ‘em. Consider this number one nugget of Alice wisdom, if you will.

 

11. Terrible TV, is the best TV. – Because let’s face it, there’s absolutely nothing better than a Teen Mom marathon. Except maybe a Teen Mom 2 marathon. I will never be ashamed to proudly admit to my seven years of avid viewership. You shouldn’t either. There’s nothing that can’t be fixed by tea and trash TV.

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF ROMANCE

To have grown up into a culture where terms such as ‘side chick’ are commonplace, I can’t help but feel horrendously out of place. Growing up, I was the typical delusional Disney child who’d been convinced by our good friend Walt that she’d grow up to one day fall in love with her handsome Prince Charming and they’d ride off into the sunset together, having overcome some great and torturous evil.

The reality? Not so much.

Twenty-first-century dating, is no walk in the park. All the romantic, nervous and quaint ideals that were once surrounding the act of “courting” someone are now a distant memory, and what we’re left with is a distinct lack of morals, with a side order of wanting your cake and eating it too. Intimate, romantic dining has now been replaced with sloppy, drunken nightclub settings. Beautifully composed love songs, have now been replaced with the unbelievably sexist musings of Robin Thicke. Eyes meeting across the room, has now been replaced with a ‘swipe right’ on Tinder. Forgive me if I sound outdated, but when did we let romance die?

At which point did we lose the social structure of meeting, courting, dating, relationship? Everybody knew where they stood. Nobody was left tentatively awaiting a text message during their walk of shame the next day and nor were people left pondering, scrutinising each and every communication from their date, frantically rationalising that ‘seen’ button along the way.

What changed? At which point did we decide to drop the 1950s style courting rituals, for the 2000s style ‘quantity over quality’ mantra.

And, more importantly, how do we get it back?